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Category Archives: life


How am I not myself?

I am not myself when I let this moment slip away without being here. Being now. Or now.

Where am I?


Elsewhere upstairs where reality fades and a new language divorces me from myself.

I am not myself when I am elsewhere.

Away from this moment. Away from my breath and my body and living in my mind. I have ceased to be me, when the me I thought I knew has taken a trip far far away. The me I become is a construct of mind, speaking in a language I don’t recognize. Do I want to live here where the dinner conversation is fractured at best?

A moment, waiting to be enjoyed and missed because of my troubled mind. The yearning for something that is not and the rejection of what is. I know little. What I do know is true. Truth reveals itself to me when I don’t need it. Fleeting moments of awareness and action spring forward and open me to the inspiration that is everywhere, all the time. I am not open to it when my distractions live with me.

Nature is mother. When I detach from me and mother becomes other, I am dislocated. When I breathe the sea air and hear its song, that is reality. When the me I thought I was turns on the radio, the me that is here goes upstairs into the unreality of intellect and politics. To live here means the death of now. They murder me and dampen the sound of quiet joy. The me I want sometimes forgets the words to a song that I once knew. But I’m learning it again. The People Doing Very Important Things All the Time tell me that the body serves the mind. But the children tell me that it’s the other way around.

I am you and you are me. I can only know me through you. You and I make three.

We are not alone when we are here. I can only be me when I surrender to this moment that we’ve shared. At times painful, but always fair.

When everything has a home, I am home. When I am aware of this, the moment is gone, waiting to be re-discovered. My limited grasp of perfection slips under my feet like a shadow. Acceptance of me allows myself to simply be.

ascetic” (adj.) derives from the ancient Greek term askēsis (practice, training or exercise).

Originally associated with any form of disciplined practice, the term ascetic has come to mean anyone who practices a renunciation of worldly pursuits to achieve higher intellectual and spiritual goals for himself or herself.

Lecture at Cornell University – Agnes Martin

I want to talk to you about “the work”, art work.

I will speak of inspiration, the studio, viewing art work, friends of art, and artists’ temperaments.

But your interest and mine is really “the work” – works of art.

Art work is very important in the way that I will try to show when I speak about inspiration.

I have sometimes put myself ahead of my work in my mind and have suffered in consequence.

I thought me, me; and I suffered.

I thought I was important. I was taught to think that. I was taught: “You are important; people are important beyond anything else.”

But thinking that I suffered very much.

I thought that I was big and “the work” was small. It is not possible to go on that way. To think I am big is the work is big.

The position of pride is not possible either.

And to think I am small and the work is small, the position of modesty, is not possible.

I will go on to inspiration and perhaps you will see what is possible.

As I describe inspiration I do not want you to think I am speaking of religion.

That which takes us by surprise – moments of happiness – that is inspiration. Inspiration which is different from daily care.

Many people as adults are so startled by inspiration which is different from daily care that they think they are unique in having had it. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Inspiration is there all the time.

For everyone whose mind is not clouded over with thoughts whether they realize it or not.

Most people have no realization whatever of the moments in which they are inspired.

Inspiration is pervasive but not a power.

It’s a peaceful thing.

It is a consolation even to plants and animals.

Do not think that it is unique.

If it were unique no one would be able to respond to your work.

Do not think it is reserved for a few or anything like that.

It is an untroubled mind.

Of course we know that an untroubled state of mind cannot last. So we say that inspiration comes and goes but really it is there all the time waiting for us to be untroubled again. We can therefore say that it is pervasive. Young children are more untroubled than adults and have many more inspirations. All the moments of inspiration added together make what we call sensibility. The development of sensibility is the most important thing for children and adults but is much more possible in children. In adults it would be more accurate to say that the awakening to their sensibility is the most important thing. Some parents put the development of social mores ahead of aesthetic development. Small children are taken to the park for social play; sent to nursery school and headstart. But the little child sitting alone, perhaps even neglected and forgotten, is the one open to inspiration and the development of sensibility.

It’s no wonder the world has fallen in love with these animals.

Mum? Can you come and get me down now?

I’m not coming out. You’ll have to come in and get me.

Kung Fu Panda…bring it on!

On the count of three…. lift!

Does this log make my butt look fat?

Betcha can’t see me…..

Oops! Slight miscalculation.

You go. I’ll just stay here and rest my head a little bit.

It wasn’t me! I didn’t steal this bamboo shoot!
It was just sitting here, I swear it!

I’ll give you 2 seconds to get off me or I’m calling Mom.

Pardon me but do you have a napkin?

Darn paparazzi! Could we have a little privacy please?

Dear Martha Stewart:
I have this brown stain on my nice, white, fluffy butt…

Shhhh! I’m reviewing…

I cannot believe that I’m stuck in this tree again.
What is the matter with me?

I’m sure there’s a way out somewhere.
I saw an ant go this way yesterday.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…

Pandas looking for lost earrings….

Absolutely nothing accomplished.
The perfect day for a panda…

Is it possible that emotional stress and negative thoughts manifest into physical disease?

According to Dr. Bach (pioneer in Bach flower remedies – using flower essences to heal mind-body imbalances), it is one’s emotional well-being that causes physical illness. Here are seven main moods which are the roots of all diseases that prevent us from being true to ourselves:

1) Fear

2) Uncertainty

3) Insufficient interest in the present circumstances

5) Loneliness

6) Despondency or despair

7) Over-care for the welfare of others

And there are in his words “seven beautiful stages in the healing of the disease:”

1) Peace

2) Hope

3) Joy

4) Faith

5) Certainty

6) Wisdom

7) Love

Dr. Bach stated: “Our fears, anxieties, greed, suppressed emotions, likes and dislikes are the initial causes of diseases.

Disease in reality, focuses our attention inwards, reinforcing the need to listen to our true selves. The Flower essences return us to our own path, not by attacking the disease, but by flooding our bodies with higher vibrations. The flowers are picked on a warm summer day in full sunshine. They are placed in a glass bowl with fresh spring water, if possible, taken from a spring close to where the flower was picked. The bowl is then placed in the sun for about three hours. According to Dr. Bach, the sun transfers the energy of the flowers into the medium of the water, becoming ‘energetically impregnated.’ After impregnation, the flowers are removed from the solution, and a small percentage of brandy is added for preservation. The Bach flower remedies carry charges from air, soil, water, and sun, as all the four elements are needed for proper growth and blooming. Here are some of the Back flower remedies and the symptoms associated with their proper administration:

1. Agrimony – mental torture behind a cheerful face

2) Aspen – fear of unknown things

3) Beech – intolerance

4) Centaury – inability to say ‘no’

5) Cerato – lack of trust in one’s own decisions

6) Cherry Plum – fear of the mind giving way

7) Chestnut Bud – failure to learn from mistakes

8 ) Chicory – selfish, possessive love

9) Clematis – dreaming of the future without working in the present

10) Crab Apple – self-hatred

11) Elm – overwhelmed by responsibility

12) Gentian – discouragement after a set back

13) Gorse – hopelessness and despair

14) Heather – self-centeredness and self-concern

15) Holly – hatred, envy, jealousy

16) Honeysuckle – living in the past

17) Hornbeam – procrastination, tiredness as the sought of doing something

18) Impatiens – impatience

19) Larch – lack of confidence and self-esteem

20) Mimulus – fear of known things

21) Mustard – deep gloom for no reason

22) Oak – the plodder who keeps going past the point of exhaustion

23) Olive – exhaustion following mental or physical effort

24) Pine – guilt

25) Red Chestnut – over-concern for the welfare of loved ones

26) Rock Rose – terror and fright

27) Rock Water – self-denial, rigidity, and self-repression

28) Scleranthus – inability to choose between alternatives

29) Star of Bethlehem – chock

30) Sweet Chestnut – extreme mental anguish, when everything has been tried and there is no light left

31) Vervain – over-enthusiasm

32) Vine – dominance and inflexibility

33) Walnut – protection from change and unwanted influences

34) Water Violet – pride and aloofness

35) White Chestnut – unwanted thoughts and mental arguments

36) Wild Oat – uncertainty over one’s direction in life

37) Wild Rose – drifting, resignation, apathy

38) Willow – self-pity and resentment

“All the diseases are like children of the diseased minds which make unhealthy decisions: envy, jealousy, selfishness, etc and a poisoned mind will slowly insert the diseased roots into the body and vital organs.”

“People want nothing but mirrors around them. To Reflect them while they’re reflecting too. You know, like the senseless infinity you get from two mirrors facing each other across a narrow passage. Usually in the more vulgar kind of hotels. Reflections of reflections and echoes of echoes. No beginning and no end. No center and no purpose.” – The Fountainhead.

Chrono Synclastic Infundibulum: places where all different kinds of truths fit together as nicely as the parts in your daddy’s solar watch.

chrono = time

synclastic = curved toward the same side in all directions (like the skin of an orange)

infundibulum = what ancient Romans like Julius Caesar and Nero called a funnel

*Is your spaceship powered by UWTS? What is UWTS you may ask? Why it’s the Universal Will To Become. It’s what makes nothingness insist on becoming somethingness. Perhaps the beings in our solar system are not in possession of such technology as of yet. – The complete history of Mars

“When I ran my space ship into the chrono-synclastic infundibulum, it came to me in a flash that everything that ever has been always will be, and everything that ever will be always has been.” -Winston Niles Rumfoord, Sirens of Titan (Kurt Vonnegut).